"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."
Are you letting someone else's opinion of you become your reality of your worth and value?
Are you lost and alone looking for a sign to show you just how much value you have? Does it feel like a never ending search that always leads to disappointment? Maybe you are looking in all of the wrong places.
Knowing your value is often times one of the biggest things that you can struggle with. If you are human like me, you have probably searched for your value in all of the wrong places.
Maybe you looked to someone else to show you your value.
Maybe you looked to fame and recognition.
Maybe it was the amount of success and money that you had.
We look to these things outside of ourselves to determine just how valuable we really are, because it does not feel like enough to know it within ourselves. We often do not feel valuable unless someone or something is telling us.
We turn to money, people, status, etc. to find our value. But all of those things will without a doubt let us down, and when that happens, we are left laying on the floor feeling worthless and alone. I am not saying that we cannot find happiness in friendships and being successful, but when we put all of our eggs in those baskets, we are left feeling disappointed and worthless. When you know who you truly are and believe in it, nobody can take that away from you. You believe that without a doubt you have worth and value, no matter what someone tells you or how much money you make.
// Determine Where You Look for Value //
How do you personally determine your value? It is different for everyone. Maybe for you it is looking to your spouse to constantly tell or show you. Maybe it is the amount of friends that you have, because if you can say that you have a lot of friends then you must have value, right? Maybe it is the amount that shows up on your check every two weeks. If you are successful, then that must mean that you have value, even if it is monetary value. But is that enough to fill you up and make you happy? All of those things are great, except that you are depending on someone or something else to determine your value and make you happy. Nobody or nothing will ever be perfect enough to show you just how valuable you are. The reassurance from your spouse would have to be non-stop in order for you to truly believe your value. This is absolutely impossible for someone else to work hard enough for you to truly know from their words or actions that you have value. Even through all of their hard work, you will probably still be left feeling empty. Someone once told me, "Nobody can make you feel anything, that has to come from within yourself." No matter how hard someone or something works to make us happy, it will never be enough if we do not believe it within ourselves. We have our own demons that are constantly working against the external sources. These are our self-talk. Your self-talk plays non-stop tapes that work to stroke your insecurities ego. So, often, these tapes are playing negative messages which form the reality of our value. To truly believe your value, you have to change the self-talk tapes to be positive and re-affirming.
// Change Your Self-Talk //
What does your self-talk sound like? Do you even recognize it anymore? It could be messages like, "You are going to fail at this', 'You messed up again", etc. Often times we are not even aware of what we are telling ourselves, because they have become so natural and subconscious. But if we haven't paid attention enough to realize whether or not our self talk is positive or negative, we have not realized how truly powerful the messages are that we tell ourselves. When our self-talk looks like: "You are beautiful', 'You deserve good', 'You are lovable", then that completely changes the tone of how we look at life and ourselves. I will tell you that the majority of people struggle with negative self-talk, so you are not alone. It takes practice and work to change your self-talk to be encouraging and to show love for yourself. Once you have determined what your self-talk looks like, you can move towards determining your values and what truly makes you happy and valuable.
// Determine Your Values //
What is important to you? What values drive the decisions that you make on a daily basis? And do you strive for different values than the ones you currently move towards? When I ask the majority of my clients what their values are, they look at me as if I just asked them to speak another language. People often do not consciously know what values they are basing their life and decisions on, but it plays such an integral part of how they walk their daily life. Often times when someone takes the time to determine their values currently, they realize that there are changes that they would like to make and therefore strive for different values which move them more towards happiness. I have attached a worksheet that you can use to help determine your values. These will help you determine what is truly important to you. When you know what is truly important to you, this can help move you towards understanding yourself and what makes you happy.
"Happiness means loving yourself and being less concerned with the approval of others" ~ Owen Campbell Jr.
What can you do today to move towards truly KNOWING and BELIEVING your value?
Contact me today for support. I would love to talk with you.
I am with you in this journey, you are not alone!
Nurtured Hearts Counseling's Blog
I am a Licensed Therapist in Lone Tree, Colorado and my goal for this blog is to explore taboo subjects that no one is willing to talk about and I am eager to bring awareness to.