I sent out my first newsletter yesterday and I am excited to have another source of connection with my clients and the community. I plan to send one out once a month, so make sure that you sign up to receive it! In my first newsletter, I focused on the importance of Connection - True, Deep, Genuine Connection.
Connection: a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else.
I went to a training this past week on Neurobiology. One thing that was focused on during the training was the value of connection. I was reminded of the power that true genuine connection holds. Most people do not go into counseling because they stubbed their toe, or got a small scrape. They are usually trying to heal a wound, one that has been split open and needs nurturing care. If I go into a counseling session and make chit chat with my clients and do not value the true depth and pain of my client's wound, then I am failing to do my job. Clients want to feel validated in their pursuit for counseling. They want to feel validated in what they are feeling. This has ALWAYS been my goal as a therapist, but after that training, it clicked for me in such a different way. People want true deep genuine connection. They want to be able to talk about the hard stuff going on in their life, with someone who cares. This is something that is rare of relationships these days. I am exploring what it looks like for me to connect on a deeper level with all of my clients, in a way that I never have before. Again, this is something that I have always held as my motto in being a Counselor, but I am now exploring it differently than I did before.
What would our world look like if we all took a second to connect a little deeper? We live day to day being so surface with each other. We often ask each other, "how are you?" and the most common response is "good". But are you truly good? Or are you choosing that answer, because you are afraid of burdening someone else with the true answer that contains depth? When we ask someone else how they are, do we truly want the genuine answer? Does depth scare us?
During a consultation with other therapists, someone brought up the fact that in other countries, they do not ask "how are you". But rather, they ask, "how is your heart right now?" The difference in depth that came from such a simple question amazed me. "How is your heart right now" is so much more genuine. It seeks a deeper response than just "good", and it shows the person that you truly care about them and where they are at, in that moment. Also, it asks the person to dig a little deeper into themselves and truly evaluate where they are at.
I think about social media and how this can be such a curse to us as a society. We have lost connection in a lot of ways because of technology. We get to see the best side of people's lives through social media. You often don't come across posts about people discussing the struggles that they are having in their marriage, the depth of grief that they feel from losing someone close to them, or the depression that has taken over to the point that they cannot get out of bed. Instead, we see people's glamorous vacations, the great feelings that they always have for their spouse, and how they are so happy. No one wants to air all of their dirty laundry, and in some ways we can be thankful for that. However, I think there is a balance. What would happen if there was a little more genuineness in the ways that we portrayed our life? What if people did know that we were struggling? What if people knowing that we were struggling would allow for a little more connection?
How can you allow for deeper connection in your life?
Brittany Wingfield, MS, LPCC
Connection Helps to Heal Trauma: The power of connection goes deeper than the basic human needs. True genuine deep connection between a Therapist and Client can actually go as far as helping to heal the brain of a trauma survivor. Trauma actually changes the size and functioning ability of certain parts of the brain. With genuine deep connection those areas can grow and begin to heal.
Also, I made an announcement that I will be training to integrate EMDR into my Practice in August. If you, or someone you know is interested in receiving this form of therapy, please contact me! To learn more about EMDR, click here.
Nurtured Hearts Counseling's Blog
I am a Licensed Therapist in Lone Tree, Colorado and my goal for this blog is to explore taboo subjects that no one is willing to talk about and I am eager to bring awareness to.